During the course of our lives, we inevitably have to deal with humans, most of the time.  With our family, friends, work place, everywhere we can have what we want, by having the “right people” with us. If you want to see the power of this, notice someone with wide contacts in your circle. It’s much easier for such a person to get things done, as opposed to somebody who is not well connected. Therefore, in a social setting, someone who knows his way around people has far greater chances of success. But here lies the problem also. Most of us find it extremely difficult to persuade people. With some people, it can be impossible to get them to do something for you. It seems people are always so stubborn and self-centered. Even if they help you, they need something in return. So how on earth you can sway people to your side?

To understand this, you must know the following. As human beings we become defensive and close ourselves off to others as we grow up. We do this because we think we are under constant scrutiny by people and it seems we lack free will. To counter this, we develop a rigid self-opinion of ourselves, a story we tell ourselves about who we are, so that “no one else has to decide it for us”. Secondly, we build sort of walls around us and never tell people about what we really think and who we really are, because of the fear they might judge us. However, this situation is changed only when we feel “truly connected” to a crowd or a person. If somehow, we are assured that we will not be judged by someone, we “let our guard down” and feel secure. In such a moment, we fell relaxed and “open to any new suggestion or idea”. We feel “validated”.

Remember, you cannot become a master persuader unless YOU CAN CONNECT WITH PEOPLE IN THIS WAY AND GIVE THEM THE VALIDATION THEY ARE CRAVING. On the contrary, if you secure people’s assistance by coercion or by making them guilty and inferior, that will be short lived and with undercurrents of hostility. Therefore, to cast a long lasting spell on people and permanently get them to your side, you must employ the former strategy. Below are two strategies, which can radically transform your persuasion skills.

Become a deep and emphatic listener

Normally when we are talking to someone we are not completely involved in the conversation. We get distracted continuously by our own thoughts. We just try to hear the parts that’ll help us reply, so that they don’t feel offended. Additionally, as they are talking we are working in our minds on the next exciting story that we’ll tell. The reason for this is that we are excessively absorbed in our own thoughts and ideas. We are too self-absorbed and we don’t think the next person is worthy of our full attention. But remember, you cannot actually connect with them and let them lower their guard until you transmit a feeling of genuine interest and that can only be done by deep listening. So how do we do that?

Normally what people say is that you should talk less and listen more. But even in this case our internal monologue will not stop. The only way is to turn the dynamic around. If somehow you can motivate yourself to listen. See it this way. You know almost everything about your own thoughts. How they keep circling around the same themes. But the person next to you and his mind is like an undiscovered territory. You know nothing about it, “HOW EXCITING IT WILL BE TO ENTER SOMEONE ELSE’S MIND”.  The people who seem quite dull have a strange interior to hide that you can unravel.  Even boors and fools can be seen this way, as you’ll come to know the origin and reason for their flaws, ultimately increasing your knowledge in human nature. Once you have successfully changed your perspective, you can start your journey.

 You will see, armed with this amazing view, slowly the inner secrets of their minds will be revealed to you. It’s just like microscopic world of cells and DNA. Without a microscope, you are unware of its existence but once you get one, you begin to see an outstanding world of miraculous organelles and complex molecules. But in doing so you should not throw questions at them frequently during the conversation, as you’ll appear very obvious. Instead focus on the nonverbal cues. There will be certain topics on which their eyes will light up, so try to steer the conversation towards that and you won’t be required to ask ay questions. Most people would like to talk about their childhood, family or a cause important to them. As you deeply listen to them, you must appear relaxed. Maintain eye contact and nod frequently. Another way to signal you deep interest is by occasionally saying things that validate their opinions but with a slight tinge of your own opinion. As they talk more and more, they’ll reveal ultimately their fantasies and insecurities. Your goal is to make them feel better about themselves at the end of the encounter. They have starred the show. And it was you who brought out the better, more funny and cool side of their personality. They will unconsciously love you for this and will look forward to meeting you again. Gradually as they become more relaxed in your presence, you’ll gain more leverage over them and planting ideas into their head.

Induce the proper mood

As social beings, we are highly susceptible to the moods of those around us. What kind of energy and vibes they are transmitting. We all have seen this effect in our daily lives. With some people, we feel extremely relaxed and joyful even if there is not much talking. It’s simply because they are radiating calm and coolness, which comes from deep within. This phenomenon is of extreme importance when you are trying to persuade people. If you can somehow lower your own guard and become genuinely relaxed and easy, this will have a mirror effect on them allowing you to have a greater sway at them. A great strategy for accomplishing this is of complete indulgence. You are not judging anybody, instead, you just accept them for who they are. Such a feeling cannot be expressed in words rather through looks and in body language. While interacting with the person you’ll slowly understand what gestures can help you infuse such a feeling. Remember our brains are made up of neurons and neurons work by electrical signals, so if you are genuinely empathetic about somebody it will automatically transmit itself. Another variant on this would be to infuse a warm feeling of rapport through laughter and shared pleasures. Laughter and light games set a fun and free mood that is hard to resist. All this is ultimately leading to your targets getting more and more open to your influence. Keep in mind that it’s been demonstrated by various studies that your expectations about people are communicated to them non verbally. If you are going to ask a favor from someone, try imagining him as generous and caring.  

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